soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
