You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
