nut hugger
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
is that a dick in a sweater?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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