it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
