so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
