I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
