I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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