What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
