he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
