You're so nebulous sometimes
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize