C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
