I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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