Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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