Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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