You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
How does it feel to date your dad?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
