he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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