Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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