she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
