Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
