so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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