don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
