Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
