I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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