so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
