There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
