I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
