she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
