peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
