i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize