Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
