Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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