dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
