If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize