DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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