Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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