areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
