so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
