I didn't shave. On purpose
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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