69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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