already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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