I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
