I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
