this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
