i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize