From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
we're so committed to being not committed
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
