Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
