Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
