My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
