He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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