I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
