Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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