I'm pants shitting drunk right now
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
