Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
