when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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