why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
