what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
