all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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