Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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