how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
