are you still at the devil's house?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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