Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
