The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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