I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
