i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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