so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
