Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
This beer is not sobering me up at all
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
