its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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