It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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