I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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