Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
