I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
